Carol McClain

Divorce: How to Recover (or Not)

For me, being in a bad marriage is like being shipwrecked. I floated on the ocean, thirsty beyond endurance, but all that surrounded me was salt water. So when the marriage ended, I had the chance to drink my fill.

I met a man. He was sweet, handsome and fun to be with. We dated, and he fell in love and proposed. However, he was an alcoholic–functioning, but still addicted. I told him if he wanted me, he had to stop drinking. He chose the beer, and I ended the relationship.

With one divorce, I could count myself blameless. If a second marriage failed, I knew I, alone, would be to blame.

Dying of thirst drives many a person to drink brackish water, or to sip from stagnant pools. Those alone will often accept any pitiful drop just so he or she is spared loneliness. Often that flings a person back into the same relationship he or she had before, and thus, fail again.

For me, I knew one thing: I was better alone. My daughter needed to understand a healthy self-respect. She didn’t need to believe beer or pot or any other self-induced relaxer was essential for a good life. She needed stability found in good inter-personal relationships.

Shortly after I ended my relationship with the man who wanted to marry me, I came to the Lord. When loneliness overwhelmed me, I remembered my marriage, and my almost second marriage. I didn’t want those. Alone I could live by my values, discover who I was and who God wanted me to be. I could be happy by myself.

As a Christian–first and foremost, I needed a man who shared my faith. Without that foundation, all else would fail. If he accepted my faith but did not share it, we would have friction at the roots of the relationship. Marriage is hard enough without starting on unequal footing.

Neil and Me

The Bible says we are not to be unequally yoked (2 Cor. 6:14). This does not imply leaving an unsaved spouse, but to not put yourself in a spiritual situation where you link your life with someone who does not share your most important values.

Beyond faith–don’t be yoked with someone who doesn’t share some of your fundamental interests. Both Neil and I love the country and art and travel. We’re both family and faith oriented. Beyond that, our interests vary. Nevertheless, at our core, we are alike.

Marrying a man or a woman who doesn’t share your essence will doom your marriage, and the end result will be worse that the beginning.

Are you newly divorced? Do you long for love and companionship? Don’t rush into anything. Those who wait on the Lord will be rewarded by him, and their won’t be any consequences for desperate decisions.